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Archive for the category “Tips”

Common Flirting/Courting Tips and How NOT to Abuse It (for Guys)

Okay, so this post has been brewing in my mind after several incidents of guys creeping the hell out of me. So yes, my examples are actually real experiences. No offense to the one who committed it (in case they’re reading), but seriously, someone HAS to tell you that you’re doing it wrong. So here goes.


Common Tip #01 — When you shake her hand, hold it a few seconds longer than necessary.
This, gentlemen, is supposed to be done naturally. I don’t even know why it’s a common tip, but okay, I guess some guys can be… Umm, never mind 😉

How not to abuse it:
When it says a few seconds, it means a maximum of 5 seconds. Holding the girl’s hand for anything more than that is creepy. Holding the girl’s hand for a whole sentence is… A surefire way to get blacklisted by her. Unless you’re ultra handsome and the girl is actually really, REALLY interested in you.

Common Tip #02 — Compliment her.
There is no girl in this world who doesn’t like and appreciate a good compliment every now and then. Even when she seems to make an effort of dismissing your compliments. Yeah, we do that sometimes. Mostly out of confidence issues.


How not to abuse it:
First, keep it real! Don’t make up compliments just because you feel like you have to compliment something. Second, keep it common! Yes, it might sound like a cliché and you might want to be unique, but a girl’s eyes is not as pretty as a marshmallow and her hands are not like banana fritters, no matter how much you like those two food items *rolls eyes*

Common tip #03 — Tell her!

It’s actually a good thing. Just like guys wonder how a girl is feeling about him, we girls wonder the same thing too. It’s what makes the flirting game interesting and frustrating at the same time, but it would definitely be easier if you can just tell her that you have special feelings for her.

How not to abuse it:
This tip should come with a warning: “But only when you’re at least somewhat sure that she’s reciprocating your feelings.” And that’s usually after a month or so of courting (well, unless it was really, REALLY obvious that she likes you). Anything earlier than that and you will just destroy any hope for you in the future. Also, when you do it, be prepared for rejection in many forms. Some girls can be really cruel.

Common tip #04 — Join some of her activities.
Word has it that most people fall in love with those they spend most time with. Plus, you get to see her, talk with her, and build a relationship over some commonality.

How not to abuse it:
Please put a heavy stress on the part that says “SOME”. That means one or two, and make sure it’s a normal, public, gender free activity. Being at ALL of her activities will be considered stalking. And that’s just not right. Oh yeah, this includes hovering around her at all times. NOT cool. Even when feelings seem to be mutual and you just LOVE being around her, being everywhere she is just makes her sick of you. There, I said it. (While I’m at it, this goes on to when you and her are actually an item. Do NOT be everywhere she is. You’re not Siamese twins, both of you should have some private space).

Common tip #05 — Be interested in HER.
Of course, you probably already are interested in her. What is meant here is try to give extra attention to what she is doing/feeling and how her life is in general, and show her this by either asking her how her day is going, commenting on her latest facebook status or replying to one of her tweets.

How not to abuse it:
1. Do not ask her the same question every time! Yes, I’ve had a guy texting me “lg apa?” (that’s Indonesian for “what are you doing?”) every hour or so. This was then usually followed with “oh. udah makan?” (Indonesian for “Oh. Have you eaten yet?”). B-O-R-I-N-G! and annoying too, for the matter. Be creative! For example, when she looks like a total mess, ask her “Too much things to do?” which can be followed with “need any help?” OR when she’s all bubbly say “so, why are you so happy today?” — And when you just can’t find a different question, at least after asking “what are you doing?” shoot up a question about the activity she’s doing. Duh.
2. Do not comment/reply on every single one of her updates!! That just spells S-T-A-L-K-E-R and s-o-m-e-c-r-e-e-p-w-h-o-h-a-s-n-o-t-h-i-n-g-b-e-t-t-e-r-t-o-d-o. A bit more than you would a common friend, but not too much. Moderation is always the key. Oh, especially when you don’t have much important to say about the update.
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When Things Go Totally Wrong and You Have a 07.30am Group Presentation…

There are still good things that can come out of it. Here are lessons I learned from yesterday night and this morning (although most I already know and it is definitely my mistake for NOT putting it into practice):

1. Never, EVER squeeze a task in a tight deadline. Especially with group tasks. Seriously. A group paper should be ready to be printed out at 5pm the day before. And photocopied by 8pm.
2. If you have any doubts about the person you’re delegating something to, refrain from doing so. Especially when it is something crucial and/or important.
3. ALWAYS hit Ctrl + S after a significant change. Every paragraph, every sentence even if you have to.
4. Have a back-up utility running, preferably Dropbox. A detailed dropbox promotion some time later.
5. Double check. No, triple check whatever you’ve wrote! And with group papers, whatever everyone else wrote.
6. With a group paper, ensure that the person who prints your paper re-checks everything. Better still, ensure the person is capable (and willing) to do a meticulous search of spelling and formatting errors.
7. Don’t try anything new with an important file. Make a copy of the file before you decide to toy around with the word processor, even if what you are trying to do is for the crucial well being of the paper.
8. Make sure all members of the group know the terms used and what formatting you would like to have (and use them in their work).
9. Always have a friend you can contact in case of “emergency” — and be very, very thankful for his/her presence.
10. Re-check everything and make sure it’s all good before you e-mail/print/present it.

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